Sex-Leaderboard

A few days ago, I had a quite interesting conversation with a friend of mine. Before I’m able to talk about it, I would like to introduce you to his situation.

Seven years ago, when we were still in school, he fell in love with a girl in his class. He resisted in dating any other girl. All the other guys around him thought he was kind of crazy, because she was already in a relationship back then. So obviously, there was no chance for him to be with her. It didn’t matter to him, he just wanted to be with her. When she broke up with her boyfriend, he told her about his feelings for her, but she didn’t have any similar feelings for him. So, they agreed on being just friends. After another failed relationship, she came back to him and was open to try being with him. They have been in a relationship for almost five years now and apparently, it worked out for them, because the both seem to be happy.

While talking to him, he explained that he starts to feel uncomfortable with his situation. He never had sex with any other woman than his girlfriend and as a man he should have sex with more women in his life than just one. I was stunned and asked him if he is not satisfied with his sex life, but he declined. The actual problem is, that he kind of feels pressured to be unpleased with his situation. He feels like a sub-male just because he had sex with only one woman in his life. That sounds creepy, doesn’t it?

Males should try to have sex with as many women as possible, but females shouldn’t have more sexual partners than one. That seems to be common sense. If you ask me, I think it’s just stupid. A male isn’t weak just because he decides to have just one sexual partner and a female isn’t a bitch just because she decides to have several sexual partners. Everyone should be able to make their own decisions about their sexual life without feeling bad for it (as long as the sexual partner isn’t a minor and agreed on everything). There is no such thing as a leaderboard which counts your sexual contacts, so just enjoy sex without paying attention on quantity!

 

Compliments

Why is it so hard to take compliments? In this blog-post I’ll provide two examples, which actually happened like that today.

Example 1:

Me: Please don’t cover too much of your beautiful face with make-up.
Her: I’m allowed to cover whatever I want. If you got a problem with that, it’s yours and not mine.

Of course, you are allowed to cover whatever you want to and you’re also allowed to use as much make-up as you wish (even though I think the use of make-up is what society expects “good-girls” to do and just because of that you shouldn’t use it at all, but everyone has to make his/her own decision about it). I wasn’t trying to tell her what to do. I was trying to make a compliment. The harsh reaction made me feel like I’ve done something wrong. That compliment might be patronizing, but why can’t we talk about it in a constructive way. Something like: “Sorry, but that sounds patronizing. You know that I’m allowed to use as much make-up as I want. I know that you weren’t trying to offend me, but please take that in consideration the next time you try to give me a compliment.” Sounds a lot different, doesn’t it?

Example 2:

Me: Wow, that dress looks gorgeous on you.
Her: Of course, it does. Why should I buy clothes that look bad on me?

Okay, so that one is quite tricky. I had to think a lot about it. Was the compliment wrong? I said that the dress looks gorgeous. Would it be better to say: “Wow, you look gorgeous in that dress” In my opinion it sounds like: “Wow, usually you look horrible, but when you wear that dress, you’re looking good.” That’s not what I was trying to say, because the matter if a girl looks beautiful has nothing to do with the clothes she’s wearing. Everybody is beautiful in his/her own way and beauty standards are just something made up by a sick society to make some people feel superior. So, it’s hard to see what’s wrong about the compliment I made. But, it kind of includes a hint that I might think that her taste in clothes usually sucks, but this dress is extraordinary and appealing to me.

Anyway, I just want to show you that it is incredibly hard to find the right words for a compliment and it might be impossible to make a compliment which is not offending in any kind of way. You would probably have to hold a speech or have a longer conversation to kill all possible misunderstandings. And because of that there are three suggestions to make:

1. Try to make the compliment as clear as possible. Tell him/her how you feel and why you feel like it. Just one sentence might not be enough.
2. If you get offended by the compliment have a conversation about it. Try to make clear why it offends you and don’t just block him/her with a cocky answer. It also hurts the other one and it doesn’t make it any better for you, too. Conversation might be the key to solve almost every problem in a relationship.
3. Try to accept a compliment. It is hard to find the right words and no one is perfect. So sometimes it might cause less trouble for both of you to see the good meanings behind the words.

Note: As usually my girlfriend and me talked about everything afterwards in order to de-escalate the situation and to make our feelings about compliments clear to each other.